


MOM?!

by merrymegtargaryen



Category: Parks and Recreation, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Crossover, Do not repost, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-12 02:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20556977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/merrymegtargaryen
Summary: How Steve "The Hair" Harrington fathered two of the most iconic denizens of Pawnee, Indiana.





	MOM?!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [judypoovey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/judypoovey/gifts), [mr_charles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr_charles/gifts).

> This is stupid and we all know it. Dedicated to Emily, Brandy, and Max.

"Ugh, I don’t want to go.”

“You’ll like it,” Steve promises.

Robin scrunches up her face. “I doubt it. Why are we doing this, anyway? These people were assholes to you. They were assholes to _ me. _ Why are we suddenly going to their parties and drinking their beer?”

“We’re going _ because _they were assholes to us,” he says insistently. “But now we’re heroes and they’re not, and they all want to get a piece of us.”

“Yeah, so why are we letting them? Isn’t it better to hold it over their stupid heads?”

“Come on, isn’t this a revenge fantasy of yours? To be at a party where everyone’s trying to get a piece of you and you give them the cold shoulder the way they did to you in high school?”

She looks away, trying not to smile. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Just give it an hour, okay? And if you hate it after an hour, we can leave.”

“An hour.”

“An hour.”

They park alongside the curb, the latest in a long line of cars in front of Carol’s house. Checking his hair in the mirror one last time, Steve blows out a breath and leads the way into the house.

The party is going strong, with furniture tipped and turned askew, toilet paper hanging like streamers, and one girl crying into her friend’s lap on the stairs. 

“Wow, can’t believe I missed this,” he says, a tad bit disappointed. 

“Celebrity changes a man,” Robin says solemnly. 

“SteeeEEEeeeEEeeve!” Carol squeals, prancing over to hug him. Her lacquered nails are clutching a red cup, the inside of which is speckled with a questionable shade of purple. “Steve, I’m so glad you made it!”

Carol couldn’t give two shits about Steve once he abandoned her and Tommy for Nancy, but now that he’s a town hero, she’s suddenly so excited to see him. 

“Hey Carol,” he says in what he hopes is an indifferent voice. “You know Robin.”

She doesn’t, and they all know it, but Carol isn’t about to jeopardize her recent reconciliation with Steve. 

“RobiiiiIIIIIiiiiNnnn,” she says in a slightly less enthusiastic squeal.

“You taped menstrual pads to my gym locker,” Robin says in her usual deadpan voice. 

Carol laughs loudly and uncertainly. “Oh, haha, DID I DO THAT? Silly me!” She grabs Steve’s arm. “Steve, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

He glances at his best friend. “Robin…?”

“I’ll be okay,” she says, offering him a small smile. “Go meet someone.”

He feels bad about abandoning his friend so soon after getting here, but Carol is already dragging him through the dining room with surprising strength. She stops short just outside the kitchen. “What’s with you and Buckley?”

He blinks. “Robin? She’s my friend.” 

“Yeah but like.” Carol shifts her weight, her green leopard print skirt stretched around one hip. “Are you, like, _ more _ than friends?”

He actually laughs a little. “No, it’s not like that. She’s…” Into girls? “We’re just friends. _ Just _ friends.”

“Right.” Carol clearly isn’t sure whether she believes him or not. “She’s just...not the kind of person you normally hang out with.”

“No,” he agrees. “But we worked together all summer and, I don’t know, she’s cool.” He rolls his shoulders. “So who’s this person I have to meet?”

Her face clears a little. “This way!” She leads him into the kitchen, where Tommy and a few others are sitting on the counters and chatting. “Steve, this is my favoritest cousin _ ever _, Jeanie! She’s visiting from Pawnee.”

A girl with thick black curls raises her eyes to Steve. Her pink sweater is tight across her slim frame, and he can tell from the diamonds on her ears and neck that she comes from money. Carol links arms with the other girl. “Jeanie, this is Steve, the one I told you about? He was a hero in that mall explosion.”

Jeanie arches her eyebrow. “Weren’t the Commies involved?”

“Uh…” Steve doesn’t know how to answer that, but as it turns out, he doesn’t have to; Tommy pushes a beer in his hand, and suddenly, they’re best friends again. 

The teenagers talk for a long time, but sooner or later the group gets smaller; Tommy and Carol go upstairs, grinning like loons, and soon it’s only Steve and Jeanie. 

“So...Pawnee, huh?” he says blandly. Jeanie is, if he’s being honest, incredibly hot, and he hasn’t gotten laid since Nancy. 

Jesus. 

“Yeah.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Look, my husband has been cheating on me and I wanna get revenge. Carol said you’re good in the sack. That true?”

He turns red. “Oh, uh...I mean, I haven’t gotten any complaints? Also, you’re married?”

“He likes younger women. I like rich doctors. Just not when they cheat on me. So we doing this or not?”

“Oh, we...definitely are,” he says with more confidence than he feels. 

Jeanie grabs him by the front of his shirt and pulls him upstairs, shooing away another couple before locking the master bedroom door behind them. She shoves Steve onto the bed, shimmying out of her clothes. 

“I d-don’t have a condom,” he stutters. 

“You have AIDS or something?”

He shakes his head violently, both confused and painfully hard as she strips down to lacy underwear. 

“Good, me either. Take off your pants.”

He hastens to obey, and when Jeanie climbs on top of him, he has one fleeting thought: 

_ Don’t blow your load early, Harrington. _

.

Half an hour later sees him stumbling down the stairs, sore all over and unable to walk straight. He finds Robin leaning against a wall and watching, unamused, as a couple breaks up in front of her. 

“It’s been an hour,” she informs him, then does a double take. “Jesus, what happened to you?”

“Tell you in the car.” He hobbles out to his car, easing into the driver’s seat. 

“Steve, what the fuck? Did you get into a fight?”

“Sort of.” He turns the ignition. “I had...the most intense sex of my life.”

Robin stares at him...and then bursts out laughing. 

“What the fuck! Tell me everything!”

“She’s Carol’s cousin. From Pawnee.”

“That town that was run by a cult like ten years ago?”

“What? I don’t know. Maybe. She’s married. To a doctor. Who’s been cheating on her, I guess? So she wanted revenge.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m..._ raw _.”

Robin can’t stop laughing. 

.

_ Two months later _

.

Jeanie looks at the pregnancy test with a smirk. Just as she’d planned. Let her shitbag husband raise kids that aren’t even his. 

“Honey, what’s taking so long in there?” Lu Saperstein asks from the other side of the door. 

Jeanie cups her hand around her mouth and sings, “_ Get ready for the beeeEEEeeeEEEEeeest news of your liiiiIIIIIIiiiiIIIiiife!” _


End file.
